You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize