zippers are such a cool invention
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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