I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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