Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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