Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
