please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
