I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
