dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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