is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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