Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize