I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
