He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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