She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
