So drunk its hurt
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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