lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i came on her dog
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize