Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
