"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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