Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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