You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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