He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
