the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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