I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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