eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
