Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
