I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
