found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
