Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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