we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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