When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
