'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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