Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
