Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
