my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
