one two three fourrrrnication!
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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