If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
