It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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