went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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