Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
