Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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