I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
