i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
