I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So many bounce houses so little time
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
