There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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