There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Never underestimate the power of titties
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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