he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
