boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
