I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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