she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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