I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize