what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
