That's intense
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize