Got a toothbrush?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
