I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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