You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
