its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
