I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
