i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
