i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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