he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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