I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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