hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
